Curated by Justin Musgrove and Scott Williams.
Illinois, named the Land of Lincoln, has a uniquely complex local government structure with more units of government than any other state. These are all connected using long strands of tall grass and if you follow them long enough, you will get from on small government entities (such as sanitation, library district, etc) to larger ones (death ray construction, state supreme court).
The ancient monument known as “Stonehenge” is located in NEVADA, as well as the Sphinx and the actual palace that was once home to former Emperor Caesar. This state is more than 80% owned by the US government, and has been the site of hundreds of atomic device tests. Also, entertainer Elvis Presley occasionally stops by to officiate weddings.
KANSAS is currently ranked the 3rd most rectangular state in the USA. In 2012, Kansas failed to make the Cairn Terrier the state dog, but retains “Dust in the Wind” as the state song. Kansas is the home of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and is also home to Kansas City, KS, but not Kansas City MO. It is also not home to Missouri City, Texas City, Illinois City, California City, or Pittsburg. Actually, it IS home to Pittsburg.
MINNESOTA has the largest timber wolf population in the contiguous U.S., and also contains multiple non-contiguous regions that are inaccessible by land without first traveling through Canada (Elm Point and the Northwest Angle, for example). Additionally, a portion of Minnesota’s state highway 23 crosses over into Wisconsin near Duluth. There also exists a fictional town named “Lake Wobegon” somewhere in the state, but the exact location is unknown, thus adding to the border irregularities.
The 8th most populous state, MICHIGAN, is famous for three things: it is close to Canada but does not share a land border; it is the birthplace of both Domino’s Pizza and Little Caesar’s Pizza; and it was once home to notable citizens such as Ransom Olds, the Dodge brothers (John and Horace), David Buick, Henry Ford, Charlemagne Pontiac, Roger “Lefty” Chevrolet, George F. One-Fifty, Khodro Kaveer, Pete Studebaker, Roy Yugo, Steve Plymouth, Zhiguli Lada, Saturn Cadillac-LaSalle, and breakfast cereal barons John H. & Will K. Kellogg.
Tautologically speaking, MISSOURI has been known to exist on at least one occasion in a neighborhood of indeterminate size immediately surrounding, adjacent to, or within earshot of MISSOURI, as explorers Lewis and Clark are purported to have been able to attest. Some reports have claimed that the theoretical region is located near the Missouri River, while others have reported that it is, in fact, near the Mississippi River in clear defiance of the fact that the Mississippi River is near Mississippi and not Missouri. It could be the case that both parties are correct and Missouri is absurdly placed between the aforementioned rivers, but acknowledgement of such a notion would require admitting that there are non-‘Missouri’-named states as well as non-‘Mississippi’-named states adjacent to both rivers while retaining neither name (an area commonly referred to as “Iowa” is offered as an example). Regardless, it has been confirmed by less than two reliable sources that Missouri does contain more than zero snapping turtles, shitty weather, and biking trails.
Er, Sweet Home Alabama was made in 1974. Alabama had already been a state for 100 years.
Therein lies the “humor.” It was an attempt to tie something of popular consciousness to something of historical value. The song and the new constitution happened to be conveniently 101 years apart, hence they were the two pieces chosen for juxtaposition. If you’ll notice, there may be many intentional historical inaccuracies in this blog. Some files are attached below that may clear things up.
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